Escaping Relena
by Northstar
Summary: Inspired by something me and my friend did one day after school. It's Duo&Heero desperately trying to avoid the annoying Relena.


Author's Note: Okay, this is only my second story

Author's Note:Okay, this is only my second story.It was inspired by something Black Crowe and I did after school one day. Also a warning to all who love Relena, you know who you are! There is slight Relena-bashing in here, and yes I'm well aware that this is considered O.O.C. for Heero.

Black Crowe:Hey! Tell them! Now!!

Northstar:Alright! Black Crowe is my muse! If it weren't for her, you wouldn't be reading this. 

Black Crowe:That's right dammit!

Northstar: Anyways, on with the story!

Disclaimer:Yes, I do own Gundam Wing! They are all mine!!!And if you believe that there's a bridge in San Francisco I'd love to sell ya!Now really, if I did own Gundam Wing, it would still be on the air and a certain person on it would be dead by now…but I'll let you figure out who that would be, just read Black Crowe's fics and you'll have a pretty good idea. =)

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The tapping became incessant.Duo Maxwell clutched his head and let out a long groan.

"Don't you ever stop typing?!I know you're inhuman and all, but your fingers have got to get tired sometime!!"

As usual, Duo was answered by silence.He began to pace back and forth behind the Japanese pilot, until he couldn't stand it anymore.He dove in front of Heero's computer screen and gave him a malicious look.Heero just sat there looking back at the braided pilot, a clear look of annoyance written on his face.

"Move." Heero said in his usual monotone voice.

"No!"Duo said defiantly.

From Duo's tone, Heero could tell that this time his efforts to get rid of the American pilot would prove to be most challenging.Just as Heero was about to reach for his gun, Duo gave him a puppy dog look.

"Come on Heero!! Pleeeaassee, let's do something today!"

Oh no, Heero thought, not that face! That was the same face that Relena used when she wanted Heero to be her bodyguard or desperately wanted to spend time with him. He couldn't stand it!That was also the face Quatre made every time Heero was about to kill Relena.Damn these people!! I have no use for such obstacles, he thought.

Heero rolled his eyes. This is one time, he promised himself, he wouldn't relinquish to Duo's pleading look.He grabbed Duo by the braid and dragged him off towards the door.

"Heero don't be so boring all the time!! Live a little!" Duo managed to say before the door slammed in his face.

Relena Peacecraft rounded the corner and proceeded down the hall carrying a picnic basket.She stopped suddenly when a body came flying by her.She recognized it as Duo when she saw the braid trailing behind.Duo sat ranting and raving at the door, when his attention was caught by the smell of food.He turned around slowly to realize the delicate figure of Relena standing before him.She was wearing a soft pink tank top with white shorts that stopped just before her knees.She had on a sun hat with a giant sunflower attached to the band. She smiled and greeted him cheerfully.

"Hi Duo! Are you okay?"

Oh great, he thought, now _she's_ here!Duo then had another sudden thought, he smiled as he picked himself up from the floor.

"Oh hey Relena! I'm fine. You want to see Heero? He's in there!" Duo shouted rather obnoxiously.

Heero stood petrified in fear at the mention of Relena's name.She's _here_!! He began to think of various ways he could escape.Just as he was about to jump out the window, which was probably around five stories up, Relena opened the door. The fall would have been welcoming, considering what he was trying to evade.

"HEERO!!" Relena chirped.

It sent shivers up and down Heero's spine.Now there was no chance of survival.He glanced down to see the picnic basket in Relena's hands and could only imagine the horrors contained therein.Out of the corner of his eye, Heero could make out a smirking Duo standing to the left of Relena, but just out of range for him to successfully grab and strangle.

That braided baka! This is entirely his fault!Heero stood thinking, no, _plotting _his revenge, but his train of thought became scrambled when a certain annoyance began cackling away.

"Oh Heero, I'm so glad you're here!Look, I planned a picnic for us!" She said, holding out the basket for Heero to inspect.

Heero just about keeled over in shock.There was no way he wanted to spend an entire day with HER!He was left with only one option and he knew Duo was anticipating it too.

The braided pilot stood with a smug look on his face, patiently waiting until his assistance would be required.Heero's eyes met with Duo's, searching desperately for a solution to what he thought was a horrible dilemma. Duo looked at him reassuringly and raised his eyebrow in triumph.Duo then threw his arm around Relena's shoulder and began to walk her in the direction she came from.

"Oh, I'm sorry Relena, but Heero already has plans today."

"He does??" she questioned sadly.

"Yeah, _we_ planned on hanging out today, you know, it's sort of a guy thing." Duo said as he shoved Relena into the elevator and hit the button that went to the basement.

Relena sighed forlornly as the doors began to shut, but not before Duo snaked his hand into the basket and fished out a sandwich. He walked proudly back over to Heero and took a huge, as well as, loud bite out of the sandwich.

"Now you owe me Yuy." Duo said arrogantly. "Let's go!"

Heero sighed in defeat. Damn that Maxwell.He trudged back into his room, shut his laptop off, and followed Duo down the hall.

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The two had driven around for what seemed like hours to Heero, who had become more annoyed by the minute. Not only did Duo sing along with every damn song on the radio, but he had insisted on driving as well! 

"I know!" Duo began, "let's go look at those new model homes downtown!"

"No way Maxwell! I want to go home! I put up with your little shenanigans for as long as I can take, and I'm through!!"

"Nope Heero Yuy, you owe me, and we're going to do what I want to do today!"

"Model homes are stupid! I would have thought you'd at least come up with something more interesting than that."

"Well, I thought so too, but Hilde dragged me off last week to go look at some, and it was actually kind of fun. Anyway, don't you want to find you and Relena's dream home!" Duo said sarcastically.

Just then the 4Runner swerved to the right as Duo yelped in pain, after Heero's hand connected with the back of his head.

"One more outburst like that Maxwell, and I'll personally throw you threw the windshield."

Duo rubbed the back of his head. "Geez, Sor-ry! You sure are grumpy!"

Duo pulled into the parking lot of the model home building and hopped out of the SUV.He practically had to drag Heero out who was fighting tooth and nail to stay in the car. They finally made it up to the front door and Duo opened it and shoved Heero inside.The representative that greeted them was wearing a smart, maroon colored business suit.Her name tag read Ms. Kathleen Michaels. She looked at the two boys rather awkwardly expecting them to say April Fools, or something similar, for surely she thought this to be some joke. She eyed Duo who was snickering over his own comment of how with a face like that it was no wonder she wasn't married.Heero just gave her the patented Yuy Death Glare, showing his utter disgust in even being there.She handed the two some papers that had a few figures on them that only Quatre could afford.Now, feeling utterly humiliated, Heero decided to give the lady a break and act professional.

"We have three model homes for you gentlemen to look at today." She said, still feeling strange about the whole thing.

"Great!" Duo exclaimed cheerfully.

He latched on to Heero's arm and began hopping up and down.

"Will you buy me one Hee-chan!? Come on, break out your check book!"

Heero pried the braided idiot off of him and shoved him off to the side. He seethed with animosity.

The representative raised her eyebrow and muttered to herself, "So that's how it is."

From the looks of it, Heero was completely embarrassed. He quickly exited the building with Duo laughing hysterically behind him.

"Let's just get this over with, so you'll be happy and I can go home!" Heero spat.

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Duo threw open the door to the first model home and bolted inside.Heero surveyed the outside of the place before cautiously stepping in.Duo ran upstairs,only to slide down the banister seconds later and land in a heap on top of Heero.

"See how fun this is!" Duo said as he climbed off of Heero.

The Japanese pilot only grunted at him.Duo grabbed Heero by his tank top and hauled him over to one corner of the house after the other, oohing and awing at every little decoration. By the time their tour of the first house was over, Duo had succeeded in breaking two sliding glass doors, which were not meant to be opened, but nevertheless Duo had to try and open anyway.He had also gone into one room and rearranged all the books and tables so that they formed a giant scythe in the middle of the room, and searched every drawer and cabinet for something to snack on. Needless to say, this was driving Heero insane.

"Can we leave now Duo, it seems as though you had enough fun for one day."

"But we still have two more model homes to go!"

Heero started to haul the American pilot out the front door, when he heard the most God-awful noise imaginable!

"Oooohh! How cute! This is just too adorable! Heero would love it!"

Heero's eyes bugged out. O_oHe slammed the door shut and ran over to the window, knocking Duo on his butt in the process.

"What the hell is she doing here!?!?"

Duo got up and went over to see what Heero was going all ballistic over.

"It's okay buddy, she doesn't know we're here." Duo smiled.

"Yeah, but she's coming this way!" Heero added.

Duo glanced over to the backdoor, and motioned for Heero to follow. Just as the door slammed, Relena came bursting through the front door.

"Eeeeee! This one is absolutely gorgeous as well!!" She squealed.

Meanwhile, Duo and Heero were racing through the flowerbeds, kicking up dirt and gophers as they rampaged towards safety, a.k.a. the next house.They both dove through the doorway and collided with a staircase.Heero jumped up and quickly locked and bolted the door.

"NO! Won't listen to me! Come on Duo let's go! Oh no Heero this is fun!" Heero mimicked.

Duo sat there laughing at him.

"What's your problem Maxwell!? Can't you see we are in a crisis!!"

"Awww…It's the first time I've ever seen you act human Hee-chan! Such emotion!"

This seriously pissed Heero off even more. He had let down his guard all because of that stupid girl and that braided baka!!

"Yes Duo, I am human so get used to it!" he spat. "And stop calling me Hee-chan!! You have that one lady back there thinking we're gay!"

Duo laughed even more at this little comment. Heero was rather amusing when he was pissed off.

"Shut up already!! You're going to give us away!" Heero snorted.

Elsewhere, Relena was wandering through the house that Heero and Duo had just evacuated.Being the psycho, obsessive freak that she is, she finds a strand of hair from none other than Heero Yuy.

"He's here!" she stated smiling evilly.

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Even though Heero was dead set on leaving at that very moment, Duo still wanted to explore the houses some more and kept telling Heero that everything would be okay.

"Hey!" Duo exclaimed, "Check this out!"

He opened a little door that was under the staircase and crawled into it.It had just enough room to crouch, but not entirely stand. Suddenly the door slammed shut behind him.

"Dammit Heero! It's dark in here!"

"I'll let you out if you agree to leave right now!"

Duo pushed on the door, but to no avail.

"I'll leave you in here and they'll never find you because the black widow spiders will dispose of your sorry butt!!"

Duo's face turned sheet white at the idea of there being spiders in there and began pounding on the door.

"AHH! Let me out of here right now Heero and we'll go!!" he pleaded.

Heero smirked and opened the door.Duo came out of the small room like a bat out of hell. Just then, the front door began to shake, as if somebody were trying desperately to open it.

"HEEEERRROOOOO!!! I know you're in there!"

Heero glared at Duo. "This is all your fault!!"

The doorknob began to turn.

"Heero, this nice lady is opening the door for me, so we can be together!"

Duo glanced up at the stairs and both boys bolted up them.They tore into the master bedroom and Heero dove under the bed, while Duo flopped down on top of it and pulled the covers over himself.

Relena busted into the room and frantically searched the premises.She began to search the closets and cabinets.

Heero was laying on his stomach under the bed.What the hell am I doing, he thought. I am the Perfect Soldier! I don't need to hide from whiny, brat princesses!!He rolled out from underneath the box spring and threw the covers off the bed to find Duo curled up with a teddy bear.Duo looked at him in surprise and smiled foolishly.

"Eeeeeee!! You peeping tom!" he exclaimed.

"Quit goofing around!"

"Now what?" Duo asked.

"I will not hide like this!"

Duo shrugged, "Your living hell." He said.

Both pilots crept downstairs in stealth mode.They peeked around a corner to see sheets flying out of a linen closet.The sound of Relena grunting as she tore through the masses of linen sounded inhuman.

"This way," Duo whispered, as he made his way to the front door. He started to pull the door open, when it squeaked rather loudly, alerting the psychotic girl in the next room.She instinctively dropped the sheets and darted for the front room.Heero and Duo stood like deer caught in the headlights when they saw her coming. They ran into the kitchen in an effort to lose her.Duo opened the empty refrigerator and slipped inside. Heero ducked into the ironing closet.

Relena silently stalked around the staircase in search of her prey.She happened to see the small door to the little room that Duo had went into earlier.

"I know you're in there Heero Yuy!" She ripped the door open and crawled into the tight passageway.

Having heard this, Heero and Duo emerged from their hiding places and ran around the corner towards the staircase.Duo grabbed one of the dining room chairs and handed it to Heero, who slammed the small door shut and propped the chair up against it.

"Mission accomplished." he laughed, and considering Heero seldom ever laughs this one was abnormally sinister.

Duo and Heero high-fived eachother, which they normally wouldn't have done either, but this was a joyous occasion.Not long after, Relena began pounding on the door and wailing like a banshee.

"Let me out of here Duo Maxwell!! I know my Heero would never do this to me!!HEEEERROOOOO! Save me!! It's dark in here!"

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Well, by this time Heero was in a considerably better mood, and decided that he would go along with Duo's little façade.So they both paraded into the front office of the model home facility arm in arm. The lady they encountered earlier only stared and gave them a crooked smile.

"I hope everything was to your liking gentlemen."

Duo was the first to speak. "Miss Lady! There is a vagrant living in the last house down there!"

Then Heero chimed in, "Are homeless people a part of your little housing project? Well, they are not what we are looking for in a model home!"

"For your convenience, we locked her in the closet under the staircase, be careful she's a fighter! I think you need to see to this right now!"

The businesswoman looked shocked.

"There are no vagrants in our homes! This is absurd! I'm calling security!"

Heero added, "See that you do! Of all the nerve!"

Which was followed by Duo, "And to think we were actually considering one of these houses!"

The two pilots exited out of the building and laughed all the way to the 4Runner.

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The next morning, Heero sat down to read the paper, the headline made him smile.

**Relena Peacecraft lives in model home?**

**She was quoted as saying: " I do not live here!"**

**The director of the model homes is quoted as saying: "Not anymore you don't!"**

**Is she really a bum? Or just really cheap? More details inside on page D7.**

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Muwahahahahaha….

Northstar: So what'd ya think? Kinda silly? And I must thank Black Crowe for the idea of the newspaper headline. Oh and also, I must sincerely apologize to you Black Crowe, for I know that Duo is your cartoon man, not Hilde's. It just worked better in the storyline.__


End file.
